I just learnt something this week, “The only thing blocking the path, is the path.” I find that so true. The only thing that has stopped me writing this, has been writing this. I know by writing this, it was admitting that it really is real. This really did happen. You really are gone. You aren’t just going to pop your head around the corner. It’s final. This post has been saved in draft since two days after you left us. Sitting, waiting, wanting to be written. I just could not bring myself to do it.
I happened to bump into Meg very randomly today, and I took that as my sign that it’s time now. She squeezed me so tight, it almost felt like an Andy hug. Those hugs must run deep in the genes hey!
It’s been 8 months since the world was brighter. How has it been 8 months already? It feels like the other day when we were praying through the night that you were going to make it. Praying for a miracle to happen, because how could you not have hope? You’re Andy! You break bones skateboarding, you fall off things, you take chances, and you always get back up. I went to bed hoping that would be the same case. Even knowing your condition going to bed that night, I was still in complete shock when we got the final message the next day. How? It’s Andy.
There was almost a dark cloud of sadness over Durban from that day. It felt like sadness everywhere, as if everyone felt the same way. You couldn’t go anywhere without people talking about you. People that didn’t even know you were talking about you, asking about you and remarking how you sounded like the most incredible person. They were right. Of course you were. You gave so much of yourself to everyone. The loss within us is all so vast. I feel like everyone is less bright, less sparkly and less of themselves without you. You brought so much of everyone out of themselves. You had that ability.
The community has lost one of the best. One of the best people, best friend, best photographer and videographer. You had just started vlogging and we were all in awe of how good you were. Whatever you would try you just nailed it. Seeing the world through your eyes was almost better than you going and experiencing it yourself, because how could you ever capture it as well or do it as much justice? Your creative eye was incomparable. I find myself constantly going back to your Instagram and even trying to look for your snapchats. It was such a big part of daily life. Wake up, make tea, load your snapchat with a handful of local favourites and watch the adventures of Andy Carrie. Obviously I never told you that before because you would’ve enjoyed knowing that WAY too much. I still remember the day I met you. There was this ADD 18 year old at my parent’s house. So full of life, vibrant and would not stop talking. Oh ADD Andy. You were always hanging around Bruce and the boys, aka at our house after a surf where you could refuel. You guys could EAT! You were always parking my car in or in my spot when I came home. I secretly think you did it on purpose… Little brother tendencies. Those boys all loved you and really really miss you.
I can tell you that it’s not the same being at an event without you there. I miss that light in your eyes that was a mix of passion and mischief. We loved the mischief! Remember that last event in November that we went to together? Part of me wonders if you knew something was up. It wasn’t often that we made plans to meet and go together, but that Gateway event we did. Looking back, having that time together beforehand just sitting and chatting and laughing, really set the tone for the night. I still have our snapchat videos from the event. Oh my word we made the worst face swap in history! How is that even possible? Poor Homaira, having to scold us like a teacher. We really did have the best mischievous night. I loved it. I still have the whatsapps from that night, and I haven’t been able to clear them yet. Thank you, for spending that night with me and really being with me that night. We were inseparable and that was so different to most events where we are all always moving around and catching up with everyone. I really needed that and maybe you knew that, because that was your way. You somehow knew when someone needed something without them even knowing. Again, one of your many many talents.
I’ve never seen someone so loved on social media as I have with all of these tributes that came in. It eases the pain a little knowing just how many lives you touched. But dude, I couldn’t go on Facebook, at any time of the day, without there being a post about you. Seriously, I have never seen anything like that in my life, even when celebrities have passed on. It was insane and incredible and so well deserved. You were an enigma. A shooting star. You were really a planet all on its own. You loved with your whole heart. You laughed with your whole gut. You gave everything with your passion. You were basically like the squirrel in ice age getting the nut. You just won’t stop. Ever.
Thank you for the memories. Thank you for the friendship. Thank you for the love. Thank you for singing at my wedding! That is a memory that I have in my heart. We all miss seeing your crazy socks, which New Balance you’re wearing today, watching your epic snapchat and Instagram stories, and all of your stories in person. “You’ll never believe what happened!” But we always would. Sadly this time too. I hope you’re happy, I hope you’re at peace, and I hope you’re smiling down at us all as we try to live more like you. I’m so glad knowing that the last thing I told you, was how talented you were. I needed you to know that. Ps. Thanks for “making” me do the Big Rush swing. I bet you were laughing it up! Glad I got to #LiveLikeAndy for an hour. I know you would be proud.
Goodbye my creeper, you are missed more than ever.