Stop the shaming 

Stop the shaming 

Let’s talk about a topic we have been seeing a lot of in the past year, shaming. It has been the year of body shaming, fit shaming, mother shaming and now what a lot of us have been experiencing in various degrees, non mother shaming.

Stop the shaming!

Shaming

Me

 

So something happened this weekend and I gave myself a few days to cool off because I was so enraged I was going to say something that might have been a bit too harsh. People need to stop asking other people when they’re having a baby, or my favourite, why haven’t you had a baby yet? That especially makes it into a negative, as if saying that because you don’t have a baby yet, there is something wrong with you. Because surely that is all a woman is on this earth for? To get married and have a baby? What do you mean women can own a business or have a successful career? Surely not!

Shaming

Also me

An ex client of mine (of roughly 7+ years ago) saw a snapchat of mine holding my friend’s baby. I am pretty sure you know where this is going. She proceeded to say that it is time I had a baby and I must hurry up. My favourite. Hurry up. Well, as a 30-something with no child you must know that I get asked this a lot (by people who clearly don’t know me because those that do know how busy I am) and it basically annoys me to no end. I have been getting asked this question or told that I NEED to hurry up and have one, for the last 5 years now. It’s very old. It’s also VERY annoying. It’s also NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

I wrote something back to her that basically told her to shush and mind her own ovaries. My blood was boiling and I was so pissed off that I honestly wanted to say a whole lot more. This is not a friend, or someone I have even seen in the past 7 years, so to blatantly get involved in someone’s intimate business was highly offensive to me. I deleted what I was going to say and told her that I’m very focused on my career right now, and that I don’t need to “hurry up”. She said that she is 34 with 4 children already. I told her that our backgrounds are very different, and that most of us are starting at 34 these days, whereas I have  friends that started having kids at 18. Both of those are totally fine! No one should be judging either side or even asking or telling them that either way is wrong. I sure haven’t. It is very different and you can never compare the two, nor should you. She then decided to reply this back, which highly offended me, she said that they start out young so they don’t have fertility problems later on, or look like their grandmothers.

WOW. Ok so because we have kids over 30 we look like their grandmothers? Did you hear that guys? Better stock up on botox! I think that is a weak argument. I am very healthy and at a healthy weight. I am not overweight and I lead an active lifestyle. I don’t drink and I don’t smoke. There are no outside factors that I am doing to myself that would cause these problems. If I did have infertility problems, it would literally be out of my control, not because of my age or that I am unhealthy. I don’t tell her she needs to lose weight and should hurry up on that! No one should EVER say that to someone, and even though it is literally my job, I have never told someone to hurry up and lose weight or that they’re losing weight too slowly. Therefore you shouldn’t be telling someone they’re being too slow on having a baby! So I don’t know where these self righteous women get off trying to tell us what we “need” to do. I think its high time that everyone worries about their own ovaries and their own business.

STOP ASKING WHEN PEOPLE ARE HAVING CHILDREN!

What if we don’t want? What if our career is more important? What if we are having fertility problems and you are making it worse? What if we legit don’t care? What if we just had a miscarriage? What if we cannot have? What if we are pregnant right now? What if What if What if.

JUST STOP!

STOP BEING RUDE. STOP BEING NOSEY. STOP BEING A DICK. JUST STOP

Shaming

Definitely me

I sincerely hope you all stop asking us these invasive questions and worry about your own ovaries. When you ask people if they’re trying, you’re basically asking them if they’re having sex, and that’s gross. Stop that.

Think before you speak. Think before you ask questions. Stop asking things just to make conversations. Just stop. We as women are under enough stress as it is. We might be second guessing ourselves and our decisions on a daily basis and it doesn’t help having you and your questions making us stress more. I am perfectly happy with my choices right now and I don’t need your questions and prodding trying to change my mind OR undermining my authority over MY life. Please, concentrate on YOUR life and your dreams. Don’t put pressure on other people because you feel unfulfilled. Find some dreams and goals for yourself. Whether that is a health goal, getting in shape, getting into a sport, finding a hobby, starting a little side business, finding a passion project. Rather start focusing on yourself than looking to make snooping into other people’s lives your hobby. It’s healthier this way!

 

shaming

I hope those that are going through problems are doing ok and not being triggered by people asking these questions all the time. I am thinking of you.

xxx

 

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6 Comments

  1. Cathy Page
    April 19, 2017 / 8:27 pm

    What a cheek! I only had my first daughter at 38, out of choice! Who knew! I had a work colleague ‘do gooder’ give comment on ‘so glad the fertility treatment worked!’ I didn’t need fertility then or again with my second baby at 41. ‘Mind your own bloody business!’ was my motto then and now when a snide comment given by younger mum at school offered: ‘ you don’t look like their gran…yet!’ Ok, I didn’t tell her to ‘mind her own business’, it was a bit stronger than that! Live your life your way.

    • GI_Jane
      April 20, 2017 / 5:53 am

      How rude! I can’t stand that people assume it’s IVF just because you’re over 35. It’s just blatantly rude. The gran comment infuriated me! Who is to say you’ll ever look like their gran? I’m glad you said something in strong words 😉 I’m going to follow your lead!

  2. April 20, 2017 / 6:11 am

    Gosh! I remember the pressure of being asked when we’re going to have kids. It was a nightmare. Especially because we were the last of the siblings on both sides of the family, to have kids. Now though, that we have Noah, the fact that he is adopted is now just as much of an issue. People think it’s helpful to tell us that now that we have Noah I will suddenly fall pregnant. Assuming that the only reason we adopted was because I wasn’t falling pregnant. NOT THE CASE!! We chose to adopt first. Noah is not our second choice. But people always assume stuff that is none of their business. Our reasons for adopting, if/when we fall pregnant – all of it is our business. Just be happy for us that we are a family. We love each other. People need to be happy for you that you are happily married, successful, and love your life, regardless of whether you have kids or not! I totally feel your frustrations. Unfortunately though, people will always feel the need to involve themselves in your most personal issues. Regardless of the phase of life you are in. It sucks!!

    • GI_Jane
      April 20, 2017 / 9:05 am

      Yes yes yes! Totally agree! I can’t believe they’re still harping on about this. People think they’re being helpful when really no one asked for their help. Annoys me!

  3. April 20, 2017 / 7:12 am

    On the other side of the coin: I’m 37 and have 4 kids; my eldest was born when I was 22. None of my pregnancies were planned, and I have lost count of the number of times I’ve been asked, “Haven’t you heard of birth control?” or “Don’t you have a TV?”
    The fact is, I was using birth control and had been on the pill for a few years when the unthinkable happened and I got pregnant anyway. As it turns out, birth control comes with its own pros and cons and, years later, I’m paying the price for having thrown my hormones completely out of whack with artificial ones. Now I have to deal with a chronic thyroid condition. But that’s beside the point – it’s nobody’s damned business how many babies I choose to have!
    People can be such assholes!

    • GI_Jane
      April 20, 2017 / 9:07 am

      Wow! That is so true. My friend also just had her 4th and people say the same to her! I find it SO rude! Regardless if you planned them all, like she did, nobody should be making snide remarks about your life. People really are dicks

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