Stop the shaming 

Let’s talk about a topic we have been seeing a lot of in the past year, shaming. It has been the year of body shaming, fit shaming, mother shaming and now what a lot of us have been experiencing in various degrees, non mother shaming.

Stop the shaming!

Shaming

Me

 

So something happened this weekend and I gave myself a few days to cool off because I was so enraged I was going to say something that might have been a bit too harsh. People need to stop asking other people when they’re having a baby, or my favourite, why haven’t you had a baby yet? That especially makes it into a negative, as if saying that because you don’t have a baby yet, there is something wrong with you. Because surely that is all a woman is on this earth for? To get married and have a baby? What do you mean women can own a business or have a successful career? Surely not!

Shaming

Also me

An ex client of mine (of roughly 7+ years ago) saw a snapchat of mine holding my friend’s baby. I am pretty sure you know where this is going. She proceeded to say that it is time I had a baby and I must hurry up. My favourite. Hurry up. Well, as a 30-something with no child you must know that I get asked this a lot (by people who clearly don’t know me because those that do know how busy I am) and it basically annoys me to no end. I have been getting asked this question or told that I NEED to hurry up and have one, for the last 5 years now. It’s very old. It’s also VERY annoying. It’s also NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

I wrote something back to her that basically told her to shush and mind her own ovaries. My blood was boiling and I was so pissed off that I honestly wanted to say a whole lot more. This is not a friend, or someone I have even seen in the past 7 years, so to blatantly get involved in someone’s intimate business was highly offensive to me. I deleted what I was going to say and told her that I’m very focused on my career right now, and that I don’t need to “hurry up”. She said that she is 34 with 4 children already. I told her that our backgrounds are very different, and that most of us are starting at 34 these days, whereas I have  friends that started having kids at 18. Both of those are totally fine! No one should be judging either side or even asking or telling them that either way is wrong. I sure haven’t. It is very different and you can never compare the two, nor should you. She then decided to reply this back, which highly offended me, she said that they start out young so they don’t have fertility problems later on, or look like their grandmothers.

WOW. Ok so because we have kids over 30 we look like their grandmothers? Did you hear that guys? Better stock up on botox! I think that is a weak argument. I am very healthy and at a healthy weight. I am not overweight and I lead an active lifestyle. I don’t drink and I don’t smoke. There are no outside factors that I am doing to myself that would cause these problems. If I did have infertility problems, it would literally be out of my control, not because of my age or that I am unhealthy. I don’t tell her she needs to lose weight and should hurry up on that! No one should EVER say that to someone, and even though it is literally my job, I have never told someone to hurry up and lose weight or that they’re losing weight too slowly. Therefore you shouldn’t be telling someone they’re being too slow on having a baby! So I don’t know where these self righteous women get off trying to tell us what we “need” to do. I think its high time that everyone worries about their own ovaries and their own business.

STOP ASKING WHEN PEOPLE ARE HAVING CHILDREN!

What if we don’t want? What if our career is more important? What if we are having fertility problems and you are making it worse? What if we legit don’t care? What if we just had a miscarriage? What if we cannot have? What if we are pregnant right now? What if What if What if.

JUST STOP!

STOP BEING RUDE. STOP BEING NOSEY. STOP BEING A DICK. JUST STOP

Shaming

Definitely me

I sincerely hope you all stop asking us these invasive questions and worry about your own ovaries. When you ask people if they’re trying, you’re basically asking them if they’re having sex, and that’s gross. Stop that.

Think before you speak. Think before you ask questions. Stop asking things just to make conversations. Just stop. We as women are under enough stress as it is. We might be second guessing ourselves and our decisions on a daily basis and it doesn’t help having you and your questions making us stress more. I am perfectly happy with my choices right now and I don’t need your questions and prodding trying to change my mind OR undermining my authority over MY life. Please, concentrate on YOUR life and your dreams. Don’t put pressure on other people because you feel unfulfilled. Find some dreams and goals for yourself. Whether that is a health goal, getting in shape, getting into a sport, finding a hobby, starting a little side business, finding a passion project. Rather start focusing on yourself than looking to make snooping into other people’s lives your hobby. It’s healthier this way!

 

shaming

I hope those that are going through problems are doing ok and not being triggered by people asking these questions all the time. I am thinking of you.

xxx

 

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2016 things I’m happy to never see again

I have a little list of things from 2016 that I am happy to never see again!

2016 things I’m happy to never see again:

  1. Waist trainers – Seriously please don’t waste your money on this crap. It was only made famous by Kim K because she was PAID to make it famous. You do not need to redistribute your internal organs to appear smaller, because that is what you’re doing FYI. I like my kidneys where they are thanks.

2. Body Shaming – Can we not? I don’t know why people feel the need to be a dick towards someone else, whether they know them or not! Majority happens when it is someone they don’t know, so they feel better about shaming the person on social media. I don’t know when the world became such a mean place.

3. Starvation diets – Ladies, please know that you are amazing as you are. If you are wanting to lose a little bit of weight to feel better and be healthier, then you need to eat to lose weight. Good, whole, nutritious food is the way to do it with some exercise. The exercise doesn’t have to be “I am about to vomit through me a bucket” type exercise. Just start slowly with walking every day and then do what you can. (Email me if you need any help)

4. Being a dick – THIS! I have noticed that people just looooove to be a dick these days. Rude, obnoxious, condescending, hateful, when did this start? I get along with mostly everyone, but I have noticed some nastiness in the last year and I choose to not be part of it.

5. Cyber bullying – So this is what makes me scared to have kids. Nothing else. This. The fact that a 14 year old is being bullied so badly that they take their own life, on camera, is not ok. We are so lucky we didn’t have social media when we were at school. We were confronted with bullying to our faces and that was bad enough! To have people shaming you online in front of thousands of people, when you haven’t done anything to deserve it is just disgusting. I really hope something can be done, we need some cyber police to actually punish the culprits and make examples of them so this stops. Teen suicide rates are the highest they’ve been ever, and it needs to stop!

2016

What are you happy to see the end of?

 

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Body Shaming 

Body shaming has become somewhat of an epidemic these last few months. From high profile people to every day girls screen shooting pictures and sharing them, it is getting out of hand. You can’t be yourself anymore without wondering who is going to mock you or ridicule you on social media. It is rather sad, and scary.

I was watching some fashion week snapchats on the Superbalist account and came across something that made me hold my breath. I actually had to watch it again. Then again and screen shot it to make sure my eyes weren’t deceiving me. Look, it wasn’t Superbalist or their fault, it was someone who they afforded the opportunity of taking over their snapchat for the fashion event. Still, I was LIVID! How dare someone comment on anything other than the clothing at a fashion event! You are there to cover the FASHION, so do that! No one asked you for your opinion on the men or women’s bodies. We are watching for the fashion, not the form. We really don’t care for your opinion on either really, we just need you to post photos and video so that we can feel like we are at the event and see the fashion.

So when I saw this snap, and the caption that went with it, I literally wanted to punch him through the phone! How dare you write that on that snap? “Look at her body! Now look at yours!!!” With the laughing emoji added for good measure. So we are meant to compare ourselves with a tall, slender model walking the runway in a bikini? What is your point? That because I’m bigger than her that I’m not beautiful? That I should be ashamed? That I am a joke? That this is a joke to you? So real women with curves are not acceptable? Are we a joke to you? So anything over a size 26 is not ok? That a 34 is not ok? That a 38 is not ok? Who made you, a man, the decider of all that is ok with body sizes?

 

I don’t know how he thought this was funny, at all, but he did. Even though I knew it was a male from watching the snaps, and him introducing himself (and posting his username LOL), I would’ve guessed it anyway. Lately I have seen so many instances where men comment out loud about women’s bodies like we don’t notice it. On the other end of the spectrum, there have been some pretty bitchy women out there body shaming each other publicly. There was that Playboy model Dani Mathers that body shamed a naked woman in the gym changerooms, and caused public outcry. I know for a fact that most gyms have signs up about taking photos and giving people privacy, so why she thought that was ok is beyond me! She was just cruel. People go to the gym to better themselves, and here you are mocking someone and their body because you don’t like looking at it. Well You disgust me!

We just had an incident in South Africa with body shaming in a sense as well. Margaret van Wyk was sending her husband a sneaky sexy picture of her bits via whatsapp since he was out of town. By mistake she sent it to her hockey mothers group instead! Imagine how mortifying that was in itself. She apologised obviously and you could imagine her embarrassment. Someone then took a screen shot, and shared it online! Within hours the picture had gone viral along with her name! The fact that a grown woman, could do this to someone she knows is beyond me! Apparently there can be consequences for the other women as sharing something of this nature is not innocent and it shows intent. I really hope Margaret sues for damages because this is not a silly little prank, her children’s names have been leaked and this is now a safety issue as well. If that whatsapp group only had ten people in it, exclude the victim and it can only be one of 9 people. It won’t be hard to find out who it was. Come on ladies, be better, do better.

Everyone just needs to be nicer! Don’t be a dick.

We are all human. We all have feelings. We all have flaws. The next time you judge someone and think about body shaming them, think about how YOU would feel.

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Once I had tweeted about the Superbalist event, they did respond and apologise online. They also deleted that snap. I think this is a big lesson to all brands that allow people to do takeovers. You need to give them a clear brief and brand guidelines. Do’s and Don’ts. They are representing your brand and they should do so with your voice in mind. The same guy was yawning and saying the show was still going on and how he wanted it to be over. You can’t say that on a brand’s social media because that then makes it look like the brand thinks that as well. I hope he learns a valuable lesson in how to treat women, and how to be professional!

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Have you seen body shaming you don’t agree with? What are your thoughts?

 

 

I’m over on Instagram and Twitter and my Facebook page is GiJaneSA.

If you’re on snapchat then add me: @gijane_zn

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We clap for you

So I’ve been struggling with something for a while, and it has come to a peak now and pushed me to start a new movement #WeClapForYou

Motivation

I was chatting to Natalie and Sarah on twitter last night and Natalie had just experienced the same thing. It makes you SO angry that people are so mean and can actually think this way.

When did it become ok to laugh and joke about other people at the gym?
When did it become ok to point and joke about the big girl working out?
When did it become ok to belittle them for being at the gym?
When did it become ok to question why they are there or even trying?
When did it become ok to judge someone when you have no idea about their life?
When did it become ok to laugh about that person and then post about it on social media?
When did it become ok to mock someone’s weight loss struggle and journey?
When did it become ok to be such a bitch?

I actually can’t believe the amount of people that will laugh, belittle, mock, point at and discourage overweight people at the gym, on the promenade and anywhere really. If someone is TRYING to change their life and their health, who are YOU to even question it? Leave the serious questions to us professionals who actually care about these people and their health. We actually ask deep questions that impact their psyche and health and why they are where they are. We don’t ask stupid questions like “Why are you even bothering?” Well they are bothering because they can, and they want to. People don’t ask you questions about why you can’t stop pulling duck face in pictures, so maybe its time for you to stop being a bitch.

The fact that someone has taken the time to drive to the gym, sit with the sales consultant, sign up, and then make the conscious decision to get up and get their ass to the gym, regardless of its size, is a feat in itself and commendable. 

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Who are you to make a mockery of that? You don’t know if they have cried in their car in the parking lot too afraid to walk in there for fear of people like YOU. You don’t know if they lost a loved one and have no family left so they ate their feelings until they literally didn’t recognise themselves anymore. You don’t know if they have battled and SURVIVED cancer and the cortisone and meds made them balloon to triple their size. You don’t know if she was physically battered by her husband and then ate to make him not want her anymore so he would leave her alone.

YOU. DON’T. KNOW. 

Stop being THAT person. Stop hating on people. Stop being a bully!
Show some love. Show some encouragement. Show some support!

When did it become cool to be mean? This is not a movie, this is not Mean Girls. It was funny because it was a movie, not real life. Stop making it real life.

So this is me, as a health and fitness professional, standing up for all of those people who have been laughed at, spoken about, pointed at and belittled for trying! For trying to lose weight, for trying to go to the gym, for trying to be a better version of themselves! If you sign up for a 5k, I will clap for you. If you are running on the promenade, I will clap for you. If you get to the gym, I will clap for you.
I am in AWE of you!

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I WILL CLAP FOR YOU

WE CLAP FOR YOU!

I hope you will too….

#WeClapForYou

 

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*If you were offended by this because you are that bitch, sorry not sorry*

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Usually fitness friday is about someone or something local, but today I wanted to talk about this amazing woman standing up for plus size girls! I’m always promoting health and wellness, obviously, but I also believe we shouldn’t be fat shaming people and having double standards.
If someone has worked hard to lose 10/20/30kg’s and is still a bit big, who cares? Do you know how hard it is to lose 10/20/30kg’s? I know how hard the 10kg’s are, so I can only imagine 20+. I have had clients that have cried their way to 25kg’s weight loss, I have seen it first hand. It is NOT easy. But it is worth it. So why would you belittle a person for posting a pic you don’t like?

I heard about this girl who posted a butt selfie and instagram took it down. I saw the pic on twitter and thought “But that’s not bad. She’s wearing underwear!” And I didn’t go in to it any further, until this morning when Keri from Midlands Musings posted about it this morning. I then followed her advice and watched the video. LOVE this girl!

It really is unfair for smaller girls to be allowed to be practically naked and in their bikini-competition-barely-covering-their-crack bikini G-strings and no one reports it. But let the girl be over a size 36 and then there are problems! Get over yourself. This chick has more confidence than you and I put together, and she still rocks it! She has lost a ton of weight, and is proud of her new body, so let her be!

Keri tweeted about the cover models on MC magazine being sickly thin the other day and I totally agreed with her. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO LOOK CLOSE TO DEATH? They were emaciated. Yes, photoshop was probably used on every inch of them, but come on! We don’tWANT to look like that. Do we really want to look like we haven’t eaten in 2 years? NO!
So stop shoving it down our throats. There are girls that are naturally thin, you are obviously different. These naturally thin girls WANT to put on muscle. I’ve had a few come through my doors. They so badly want to look healthy and put ON weight, and it’s hard! They have to eat a lot, and work really hard to put on even a kg. But, they do it. These other girls who try to get thin by not eating, it is just so unhealthy. The magazines should be promoting health, especially among their target markets of the younger girls who are more impressionable. This is why I don’t buy fashion magazines, I would rather get a fitness magazine, where the girls actually lift weights and are healthy. I even go so far as to spend way more than I should, and I subscribe to an overseas magazine, Oxygen because the women are more muscular and not stick thin. I love these fit moms that work out and have a booty! I don’t want to look like a stick thin model who’s ass is so flat because she doesn’t work out.
Please eat something.
Please do some squats.

Meghan has a really perky butt! She obviously works out. So why shame someone who has A. worked hard to lose weight, B. Has a perfectly lovely butt and C. She was more covered up than Kim Kardashian’s butt on a normal day! Double standards. Not cool.

I think we all need to change the way we think on social media, and stop commenting on someone’s pic in a negative way. It’s THEIR account, if you don’t like it, hit the unfollow button! I have seen such racist, disturbing, violent comments on people’s accounts. It is sick. Someone basically told Kelly Osbourne she is a disgusting fat pig and they were going to kill her. REALLY??? Are you that psychologically tainted that you need to resort to violence or say that you will? If you don’t like her stop following her!

I love the fact that Meghan actually got Instagram to repost her butt pic AND apologise! YOU GO GIRL!

Here is her video CLICK IT!

What do you think? I went through her Instagram and didn’t take offence to anything! And her voice is amazing too!

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Her old blog about her weight loss is very real! View it Here

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