Stop the shaming 

Let’s talk about a topic we have been seeing a lot of in the past year, shaming. It has been the year of body shaming, fit shaming, mother shaming and now what a lot of us have been experiencing in various degrees, non mother shaming.

Stop the shaming!

Shaming

Me

 

So something happened this weekend and I gave myself a few days to cool off because I was so enraged I was going to say something that might have been a bit too harsh. People need to stop asking other people when they’re having a baby, or my favourite, why haven’t you had a baby yet? That especially makes it into a negative, as if saying that because you don’t have a baby yet, there is something wrong with you. Because surely that is all a woman is on this earth for? To get married and have a baby? What do you mean women can own a business or have a successful career? Surely not!

Shaming

Also me

An ex client of mine (of roughly 7+ years ago) saw a snapchat of mine holding my friend’s baby. I am pretty sure you know where this is going. She proceeded to say that it is time I had a baby and I must hurry up. My favourite. Hurry up. Well, as a 30-something with no child you must know that I get asked this a lot (by people who clearly don’t know me because those that do know how busy I am) and it basically annoys me to no end. I have been getting asked this question or told that I NEED to hurry up and have one, for the last 5 years now. It’s very old. It’s also VERY annoying. It’s also NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

I wrote something back to her that basically told her to shush and mind her own ovaries. My blood was boiling and I was so pissed off that I honestly wanted to say a whole lot more. This is not a friend, or someone I have even seen in the past 7 years, so to blatantly get involved in someone’s intimate business was highly offensive to me. I deleted what I was going to say and told her that I’m very focused on my career right now, and that I don’t need to “hurry up”. She said that she is 34 with 4 children already. I told her that our backgrounds are very different, and that most of us are starting at 34 these days, whereas I have  friends that started having kids at 18. Both of those are totally fine! No one should be judging either side or even asking or telling them that either way is wrong. I sure haven’t. It is very different and you can never compare the two, nor should you. She then decided to reply this back, which highly offended me, she said that they start out young so they don’t have fertility problems later on, or look like their grandmothers.

WOW. Ok so because we have kids over 30 we look like their grandmothers? Did you hear that guys? Better stock up on botox! I think that is a weak argument. I am very healthy and at a healthy weight. I am not overweight and I lead an active lifestyle. I don’t drink and I don’t smoke. There are no outside factors that I am doing to myself that would cause these problems. If I did have infertility problems, it would literally be out of my control, not because of my age or that I am unhealthy. I don’t tell her she needs to lose weight and should hurry up on that! No one should EVER say that to someone, and even though it is literally my job, I have never told someone to hurry up and lose weight or that they’re losing weight too slowly. Therefore you shouldn’t be telling someone they’re being too slow on having a baby! So I don’t know where these self righteous women get off trying to tell us what we “need” to do. I think its high time that everyone worries about their own ovaries and their own business.

STOP ASKING WHEN PEOPLE ARE HAVING CHILDREN!

What if we don’t want? What if our career is more important? What if we are having fertility problems and you are making it worse? What if we legit don’t care? What if we just had a miscarriage? What if we cannot have? What if we are pregnant right now? What if What if What if.

JUST STOP!

STOP BEING RUDE. STOP BEING NOSEY. STOP BEING A DICK. JUST STOP

Shaming

Definitely me

I sincerely hope you all stop asking us these invasive questions and worry about your own ovaries. When you ask people if they’re trying, you’re basically asking them if they’re having sex, and that’s gross. Stop that.

Think before you speak. Think before you ask questions. Stop asking things just to make conversations. Just stop. We as women are under enough stress as it is. We might be second guessing ourselves and our decisions on a daily basis and it doesn’t help having you and your questions making us stress more. I am perfectly happy with my choices right now and I don’t need your questions and prodding trying to change my mind OR undermining my authority over MY life. Please, concentrate on YOUR life and your dreams. Don’t put pressure on other people because you feel unfulfilled. Find some dreams and goals for yourself. Whether that is a health goal, getting in shape, getting into a sport, finding a hobby, starting a little side business, finding a passion project. Rather start focusing on yourself than looking to make snooping into other people’s lives your hobby. It’s healthier this way!

 

shaming

I hope those that are going through problems are doing ok and not being triggered by people asking these questions all the time. I am thinking of you.

xxx

 

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Monday Motivation 

I thought we could do with some Monday Motivation today!

Monday Motivation

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I have come to realise that collaboration is the theme for 2017! At least that is what I am trying to do this year. Some is better than one, so why not put more than one brain to work? The world is a better place when we are being nicer to each other and working together. It is also a more creative place when we work together, so why not do that tandem story or blogpost; shoot that fashion spread with your accessories and your photographer friend; dress that model for their event, and generally just do MORE.

Let 2017 be the year that you collab and have FUN! We need to support each other and especially small businesses. Promote each other and share your community, because it is way better being a nice person 🙂

 

Who are you going to collab with this year? Share your brand links below so we can all share talents

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Getting to know Jane Weare
If you follow me on Facebook or snapchat, you’ll know how obsessed I am with We Are Food.
Today I get to introduce you to the lovely lady that basically feeds me every day (Please order their chicken soup, you’re welcome).

 

Let’s get to know… Jane Weare

 

What does healthy mean to you?
Everything in moderation!  I have dieted my whole life, and finally found balance in the last 5 years, where I don’t deny myself anything.  But just constantly try to make healthier choices.  I like to challenge myself whereby everytime I make a decision on a meal or treat, I take a second and choose something a little healthier.  So swap that white toast for Rye bread, Medium popcorn at the movies for a small etc.  I think making healthy short term choices, which (hopefully) become long term habits, is the way to a balanced lifestyle.

 

What is your chosen form of exercise?
Currently I torture myself at the gym 3-4 times a week with cardio/weight varying workouts.  My sister and I tag team between the treadmill and weights on the floor, so we constantly keep our heart rate up while doing moderate weights.  As I am getting older I find monotonous cardio does less for me!  So with the addition of weight training 3-4 times a week I have found my weight has remained constant, but my body shape has improved!  I am loving the results!
Then for fun on the weekend I try to get in the ocean at least once for a surf, but this is more for the soul than the body!
 

What does your way of health eating look like?
A green smoothie in the morning, it’s such a great way to start the morning, when I don’t have time to whip up complicated meals. For me personally, if I don’t prepare ahead of time, I fall off the wagon (I am a sucker for temptation!).  So boiled eggs, chicken and veg, soups (from We are Food) are a great, quick snack that is satisfying and healthy!

 

What is your passion project?
My business!  We are Food not only allows me to work within my passion; food!  It also means working daily with my Mum and Sister, Amy, in this family run business.  I never dreamt that one day I could make an income from one of my greatest passions! Everyday I spend time researching new dishes, recipes and ideas, then weekly my Mum and I have fun in our test kitchen trying them out!
 

What does a typical day look like for you?
4.45am wake up call to be at the gym by 5.15!
6.30am leave gym and head home.
7.15am, quick shower, grab my smoothie and head to our factory in Durban North to get the chefs going by 7.30am!
4.30am finish work, and then relax!
And then (I hate to admit it) I am usually in bed by 8.30pm!
 

What would you like people to know about you?
I never had a “real” plan for my future, and battled with self-doubt as to my abilities in the corporate world.  But when I took the dive into following my passion; cooking, suddenly not only did the hard work and late nights (or early mornings) become not only bearable, but exciting,  but awesome opportunities revealed themselves to me!  And the saying is totally true;  If you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life!
 

What would you like people to know about your work/business?
We are equally passionate about food, good business practice and our staff!  We want to be a formidable force in our field, whereby things are done properly, we push the boundaries of what is acceptable and run our business on the highest level possible!

 

Favourite workout song?
Our class instructor likes to throw in the odd sing-a-long like Christina Aguilera, or Moulin Rouge classics!  I love it!

 

Favourite exercise and why?
Currently I have been enjoying a really good 20minute stretch after my workout – some self adapted yoga poses – does this count??  I can’t say I LOVE any particular exercise, but I love the feeling of achievement after pushing myself!

 

Favourite quote/advice?
My good friend Erin Phillips who got me into weight training a few years ago once said something so simple, which made so much sense!  “when it starts to burn, and you want to stop, do a few more (reps, steps, another minute), that is the only way you will ever improve”

 

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Be sure to check out their amazing food offerings in Durban at www.wearefood.co.za
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Body Shaming 

Body shaming has become somewhat of an epidemic these last few months. From high profile people to every day girls screen shooting pictures and sharing them, it is getting out of hand. You can’t be yourself anymore without wondering who is going to mock you or ridicule you on social media. It is rather sad, and scary.

I was watching some fashion week snapchats on the Superbalist account and came across something that made me hold my breath. I actually had to watch it again. Then again and screen shot it to make sure my eyes weren’t deceiving me. Look, it wasn’t Superbalist or their fault, it was someone who they afforded the opportunity of taking over their snapchat for the fashion event. Still, I was LIVID! How dare someone comment on anything other than the clothing at a fashion event! You are there to cover the FASHION, so do that! No one asked you for your opinion on the men or women’s bodies. We are watching for the fashion, not the form. We really don’t care for your opinion on either really, we just need you to post photos and video so that we can feel like we are at the event and see the fashion.

So when I saw this snap, and the caption that went with it, I literally wanted to punch him through the phone! How dare you write that on that snap? “Look at her body! Now look at yours!!!” With the laughing emoji added for good measure. So we are meant to compare ourselves with a tall, slender model walking the runway in a bikini? What is your point? That because I’m bigger than her that I’m not beautiful? That I should be ashamed? That I am a joke? That this is a joke to you? So real women with curves are not acceptable? Are we a joke to you? So anything over a size 26 is not ok? That a 34 is not ok? That a 38 is not ok? Who made you, a man, the decider of all that is ok with body sizes?

 

I don’t know how he thought this was funny, at all, but he did. Even though I knew it was a male from watching the snaps, and him introducing himself (and posting his username LOL), I would’ve guessed it anyway. Lately I have seen so many instances where men comment out loud about women’s bodies like we don’t notice it. On the other end of the spectrum, there have been some pretty bitchy women out there body shaming each other publicly. There was that Playboy model Dani Mathers that body shamed a naked woman in the gym changerooms, and caused public outcry. I know for a fact that most gyms have signs up about taking photos and giving people privacy, so why she thought that was ok is beyond me! She was just cruel. People go to the gym to better themselves, and here you are mocking someone and their body because you don’t like looking at it. Well You disgust me!

We just had an incident in South Africa with body shaming in a sense as well. Margaret van Wyk was sending her husband a sneaky sexy picture of her bits via whatsapp since he was out of town. By mistake she sent it to her hockey mothers group instead! Imagine how mortifying that was in itself. She apologised obviously and you could imagine her embarrassment. Someone then took a screen shot, and shared it online! Within hours the picture had gone viral along with her name! The fact that a grown woman, could do this to someone she knows is beyond me! Apparently there can be consequences for the other women as sharing something of this nature is not innocent and it shows intent. I really hope Margaret sues for damages because this is not a silly little prank, her children’s names have been leaked and this is now a safety issue as well. If that whatsapp group only had ten people in it, exclude the victim and it can only be one of 9 people. It won’t be hard to find out who it was. Come on ladies, be better, do better.

Everyone just needs to be nicer! Don’t be a dick.

We are all human. We all have feelings. We all have flaws. The next time you judge someone and think about body shaming them, think about how YOU would feel.

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Once I had tweeted about the Superbalist event, they did respond and apologise online. They also deleted that snap. I think this is a big lesson to all brands that allow people to do takeovers. You need to give them a clear brief and brand guidelines. Do’s and Don’ts. They are representing your brand and they should do so with your voice in mind. The same guy was yawning and saying the show was still going on and how he wanted it to be over. You can’t say that on a brand’s social media because that then makes it look like the brand thinks that as well. I hope he learns a valuable lesson in how to treat women, and how to be professional!

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Have you seen body shaming you don’t agree with? What are your thoughts?

 

 

I’m over on Instagram and Twitter and my Facebook page is GiJaneSA.

If you’re on snapchat then add me: @gijane_zn

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Monday Motivation 

 

I love this. Forget about what everyone else is doing and saying, and stick to your gut feels and what you believe. There is enough fakeness going around where people aren’t being true to themselves, and it shows.

Always be authentic. Always be your authentic self!

 

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